A Spousal Journey Through Endometriosis
Our WHOLE life has yet to be LIVED, but the suffering endometriosis has inflicted on my family began 8 years ago. Before that it was a burden only my wife carried alongside her mother.
Through the years I have witnessed the many ups and downs that come with this disease, I have watched my wife suffer and spent many of the 8 years in and out of hospitals attempting to get her help or at least figure out where to start. The saddest part about this journey was watching the medical industry tear my wife apart, both mentally, physically and you could say spiritually even. This was partly due to a basic lack of understanding and knowledge of this disease within the medical industry, but also a lack of belief in the everyday struggles, pains, and ailments my wife was experiencing.
Our trips to the doctors or emergency room often lead to nothing but a gas lighting doctor saying that everything appeared fine or “normal”. After years and years of these words being uttered, one may begin to think they are going crazy, all the while continuing to be misdiagnosed. Before my wife crossed my path that’s exactly where she was. Questioning herself, her worth, and her lived experience.
Cameron Hardesty is an esteemed board member of
Getting the Better of Endometriosis
“I don’t think people really understand the level of emotional trauma this particular journey can take on the person suffering from the disease and also the family whom is taking this journey with them.”
“Through the years of explaining to my children why mommy is always crying, why mommy is always tired and hurting, why we can’t always go do this or that because our finances are so tied up in all the medical bills piling up. Yet with no true answers to be had, no cures and no relief, you begin to become numb alongside your partner. You begin to lose hope. You begin to lose faith.”
But thankfully with a will to find a way and a refusal to give up, we finally found the answer she was looking for. Finding a doctor who believed her and had the proper training on this disease was the key. Days and nights of research she did, all on her own, led her to her diagnosis. Even now, going into 6 years after receiving a diagnosis, she still suffers — but no more silence. With 2 removals of disease and about 5 other reconstructive or organ removal surgeries, she is continuously managing her pain, sickness, and mental health.
I spend a lot of time thinking about our journey, and the journeys other people may have with this disease. It pains me to know that so many people are suffering in silence, with little hope for the answers they seek, and a high probability of never finding them.
It’s a heavy burden to share, witnessing a loved one battle Endometriosis. As partners, we must be warriors ourselves, standing steadfast alongside our Endo warriors. Every moment of pain, every cry for understanding, should draw us closer, not push us apart.
Open communication is crucial. Don’t let fear or doubt swallow your words. Share your feelings and encourage them to voice theirs. Attend medical appointments, not just as a shadow but as an active and vocal participant in their journey. Educate yourselves together — knowledge is power. This is about forging a team that tackles obstacles side by side.
Intimacy doesn't need to vanish; it needs to evolve. Explore new ways to connect that honor their body and its struggles. Learn to recognize those triggers — pain cues or emotional shifts. Being tuned in to these nuances can help you to adapt and find solutions that can reignite connection, even in discomfort.
Remember, this path is paved with trial and error. It’s a test of resilience and love. It will not be easy — there will be dark days and frustrating setbacks. But on the other side of that struggle is a bond forged through shared adversity — the kind that transforms you both.
Do it for the one you love. Be the support they need because, in this battle of life and pain, your unwavering presence and understanding can mean the world. It’s not just about them fighting, it’s about you both battling this together, with grace and courage. You’d want them to do the same for you. That’s the essence of love — it’s unwavering and always worth it.
I hope that one day, the disease itself and all that applies to it, becomes a more prominent, updated subject amongst the medical industry and in basic social settings. Until then we will keep persevering and fighting the good fight — together.
